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How it ought to go: Cuomo and Trump should conspire to kill Gateway and dig a lean, mean tunnel between New York and New Jersey


Trump and Cuomo can get it done. (Getty Images, AP Photo)

The Daily News has obtained what should be the transcript of the conversation between President Trump and Gov. Cuomo in advance of the two strong-willed Queens boys’ planned White House lunch Wednesday.

Trump: So, you’re not going to challenge me in 2020. Smart! You’d lose bigly.

Cuomo: I’ve got enough on my plate. For one, we badly need new rail tunnels connecting us to Jersey; not everyone takes a Marine chopper back and forth. Did you watch the video I made?

T: Yep. It looks wet, from the standpoint of water, and dirty, from the standpoint of dirt. But Chuck Schumer keeps pushing for this yuge Gateway thing; he wants a 50-50 state-federal split like Obama promised and he refuses to fund my big, beautiful Wall.

C: The 1910 tubes really do need fixing. One fails, and it’s an economic cataclysm.

T: But the price is $30 billion and growing. Why should I pay half of that?

C: You’ve got a point. Even the first phase that Amtrak is pushing, two tunnels for $11 billion and a new $2 billion bridge in Jersey, doesn’t add any new capacity. It would take the full $30 billion and another bridge, plus tearing down a chunk of Midtown to add a single new train.

But you can be the big man. Think Wollman Rink: Right-size the plan and expedite federal approvals. Use design-build to dig the tunnels and raise a simple four-track bridge in Jersey, doubling capacity. The states and feds split the $15 billion cost, saving $15 billion.

T: I like it. I beat Obama and Schumer and Amtrak and save $15 billion. And you get new tunnels and twice as many trains going through. But I still don’t like the name.

C: How about we call it Trump Tunnel? And paint it gold?

T: Deal. Two scoops of ice cream for everyone!